


I Know

by Ayearandaday



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben has plenty to give, Ben is Rey's knight in a shining armor, Denial of Feelings, Emotionally Constipated Rey, F/M, Finn knows what's good for his Peanut, Friends to Lovers, Good friends Finn and Rose, HEA for silly space kids, Love at First Sight, Luke Skywalker is no fool, Rey (Star Wars) is a Mess, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey has been scared, Slow Burn, Smitten Ben, Soft Ben Solo, deadlines are evil, devoted Ben, especially when he brings food, for Ben, for rey, horror of horrors, in emotional aspect, now she's trying to be brave, that awkward moment when you realize you're in love with your boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24505606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayearandaday/pseuds/Ayearandaday
Summary: Rey had always been avoiding emotional attachments like a plague... until Ben. Now that the inevitable has happened, she must find a way to confess her feelings to her boyfriend. It shouldn't be that hard, should it?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 42
Kudos: 189
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	I Know

**Author's Note:**

> World is such a scary place right now, regardless of where you are. Yesterday a man claimed he mined one of the bridges, effectively stopping half of the subway line. He didn't, thankfully, but that's the most moronic way to get into the news or whatever he was trying to achieve.  
> I hope you all are staying safe and healthy right now!
> 
> A shout-out to fulcrum_of_pemberley, my very supportive beta.

Truth be told, Rey wasn’t in love with Ben when they started dating. Love had never been in the cards for her to begin with, hell, her own parents hadn’t had any for her. It was easier that way, to just avoid unnecessary attachments altogether.

Too bad Ben was the human embodiment of an obstinate mule. Everything about him screamed complications. He was too _good_ , one of those sweet, bashful guys who was bound to want commitment, matching rings, picket fences, and other things Rey refused to think about. God-damn stubborn, too.

They met through friends. At first she thought he was pretty cute and she wouldn’t be opposed to a mutually beneficial tension release- until Poe mentioned that Ben had developed a crush. Considering that was a massive red flag in Rey’s book, she resolved to give the idiot the cold shoulder, but to no avail. Ben pursued her, and pleaded, and courted, and sweet-talked, and damn him and his adorable face, and his warm brown eyes and his lovesick puppy attitude. She was only human. The bastard worn her down.

More than anything, Rey valued honesty, so she’d candidly told him it had never been and wouldn’t ever be anything serious on her part and that he deserved someone better than a girl whose heart was more guarded than a motte-and-bailey castle. Ben had just laughed and told her that his love would be enough for both of them and then proceeded to kiss her in a way that made her toes curl and made the guilty voice in her head shut the fuck up. And that had been Rey’s first mistake.

The second mistake was not to pay attention to the signs. And there were plenty, all those little things she had chosen to ignore instead of analyzing them.

The first big hint happened at Ben’s parents’ house. Han and Leia were another source of Rey’s guilt; they absolutely adored her, ignoring the obvious fact that she wasn’t right for their baby boy. Ben’s uncle was a whole different story. Luke Skywalker was _sharp_ ; his piercing blue eyes could see right through you, find and dissect your deepest darkest secrets and lay them out in the open. Yes, Rey wasn’t his biggest fan. Luckily, he mostly kept to himself or else she would have been unwelcome in the Solo house ages ago.

So there Rey was, nursing a glass of lemonade and enjoying Leia bossing Ben around the kitchen, partly because the view of her huge boyfriend being legitimately scared of his tiny mother was amusing and partly because his t-shirt was a touch too snug and not appreciating those muscles at work was a sin. Yes, she might not be _romantically_ attached to Ben, but she had _eyes_. Needless to say, Rey was distracted, so Luke’s voice made her jump.

“You two remind me of my sister and Han back in the days,” the old man innocently mused.

She frowned. “We do?”

“Pretty much,” Luke smiled cryptically. “Before they started dating and pretended to hate each other.”

“Um, but Ben and I don’t hate each other,” Rey stammered, befuddled. What was he up to?

“No, you don’t,” Luke agreed in his odd manner, making her head spin.

She was saved from the rest of his nonsense by Han demanding Luke “stop harassing his future daughter-in-law.” Rey cringed and not-so-wisely proceeded to forget the conversation altogether.

Another hint came from her friends. If you could call _that_ a hint. It was one of those rare moments when Rey sincerely regretted becoming roommates with Rose and Finn. Yes, she loved them to bits, but occasionally they were truly obnoxious.

As per usual, Paige came over for her and Rose’s movie night. Finn decided to join. Rey, though, was too busy texting to pay attention so she didn’t react when Paige invited her, too.

“…Earth to Rey?” the older girl prodded.

Her sister sighed. “Leave her, she’s sexting.”

_That_ Rey did hear. “Excuse me?!”

“I said texting,” Rose smiled sweetly.

“Ben,” supplied Finn.

“They do this all the time.”

“Like, _all the time_.”

“They are so head over heels…”

“…it’s disgusting.”

They both made kissy faces before bursting out laughing.

“I was _not_!” Rey snapped indignantly. (She most definitely _was_ texting Ben, but that was beside the point).

“Were, too!” Rose cried out while Finn sing-songed, “Rey and Ben, sitting in a tree, ki…” The rest was cut off by a well-aimed couch cushion which only made them laugh more.

Annoyed, Rey slammed the door to her room to resume texting with her boyfriend-that-she-was-most-definitely-not-romantically-attached-to in peace.

The last nail in the coffin of her self-denial came as a low blow. She got sick. Probably the flu that was going around was to blame. Either way, Rey’s head was pounding, everything ached, and even thinking of food made her nauseated. Rose tucked her into bed, despite her protests, and made her take some medicine that knocked her out cold.

She woke up with a start. It was already late and Rey was hit with the realization that she hadn’t finished her paper for Holdo’s class. Professor Holdo was the coolest person on campus, but her deadlines she guarded like a veritable hellhound. Rey had no other choice than to drag her aching body out of her bed and start writing. The paper was neatly wrapped up right after ten, thankfully, so she composed the quick email, yawning with all her might, and that’s when the exhaustion hit her.

Rey jerked awake the second time around, now with pure horror. The letter was still in the drafts, the clock showed 3 A.M., and the deadline had ended at midnight. After that she couldn’t sleep a wink.

Visiting Holdo was the first thing she did in the morning. If Rey hadn’t been so exhausted and terrified, maybe she could have explained her situation better and received an extension. As it was, the Professor sternly cut off her fumbling, announcing that she didn’t want any excuses. If Rey had missed a quite reasonable deadline, that was on her.

She couldn’t remember how she got home. Her brain was repeating the same things in a circle: missing the paper meant losing a good chunk of her grade, which meant failing the class, which meant losing her scholarship, which meant returning to the streets, which meant Jakku all over again. For most people it would be a stretch to jump from one bad mark to a life of abject poverty. Most people had never had to dumpster-dive to ensure a meal either. The second Rey closed the door she broke down. The tears came in a full Niagara waterfall, along with all the things she had so stubbornly tried to forget. All her repressed emotions, all her deep-seated fears came back with a vengeance. She started crying and couldn’t stop.

Finn and Rose completely freaked out. No matter what they did, Rey was inconsolable, spiraling too deep to reach. So of course they called Ben.

In her defense, she sincerely thought that her tears had more or less run out, but the second she saw his worried face they came back full force. Ben was undeterred. He gathered her in his arms, making shushing sounds and rubbing her back soothingly. He also smelled like safety and home, and his sweater was so soft against her cheek and he was so damn understanding that somehow her sobs subsided. As she calmed down, Ben gently washed her face, tucked her into bed and spooned her like the world’s best weighted blanket. Eventually his breath evened out and Rey realized he’d fallen asleep. She followed him into that borderline state of half-consciousness that lets your thoughts run unchecked and free. Rey drowsily thought that maybe she wouldn’t end up on the streets. That she had amazing friends who would’t let her. Ben, too. The best boyfriend ever. She loved him so much. _Wait, what?!_

Rey started hyperventilating. No, she couldn’t have fallen like this, not her, not.…

Ben grumbled in his sleep and tugged her closer to his chest, his arm an anchor in a raging storm, and suddenly she realized she was no longer freefalling. _He had already caught her_. With that epiphany, Rey wiped the last of her tears and slipped into a deep dreamless slumber.

(Turned out the uncompromising Professor Holdo was also a most doting Auntie Ami who loved her godson to the moon and back. Rey’s paper was at last submitted and earned a grade only a tiny bit lower than she would have liked. Her scholarship stayed intact and the enthusiastic show of her gratitude left Ben in a daze for a week.)

And that’s how she ended up in her current predicament – she had to confess her feelings to her amazing, understanding, gentle and tall boyfriend and she had _no idea how_. Ben, on the contrary, had no problem with that. He told her he loved her a hundred times a day in all shapes and forms possible without any embarrassment. Rey wasn’t like that. She had never said the dreadful L word to anyone, not even casually to her friends. It was a Big Deal. Should she do it in a fancy letter? During a romantic dinner? Borrow a boombox moment from a rom-com? Rey’s mind came up blank.

Honestly, it was ridiculous. It wasn’t like middle school all over again. Ben wasn’t going to reject her, if anything, he would be ecstatic. So what was stopping her?

The answer struck unexpectedly – Rey wanted it to be special, yet she had no idea what “special” meant. Surely, not her on one knee with a ring? No, the truth was that every day with Ben was special, hence there was no need to prolong the torment. She was finally ready.

Their Friday date nights usually consisted of a movie and take-out, since neither of them was a big party lover. Rey lazily flicked through Netflix options, checking on her boyfriend from the corner of her eye. Ben was in deep concentration, contemplating their menu and looking like a whole meal himself.

“…we could always go with pizza, though this Chinese place has free delivery and then there’s Thai…”

Rey took a deep breath. “I love you.”

“I know,” he answered absentmindedly. “Hold on, Pasaana offers 2+1…”

She didn’t know what she was expecting: tears of joy, a proposal, a happy dance, but not _this_. Surely, he didn’t hear her the first time.

“Ben,” she repeated more forcefully. “I love you.”

Her boyfriend turned to her, confused. “I know, sweetheart.”

Rey’s brain short-circuited. “What do you mean you _know_?” She wasn’t sleep talking, was she?

Now Ben turned his full attention on her. “When we first started dating, Finn gave me a talk.”

She groaned. Her friend tended to assume the role of a protective dad from time to time.

“It wasn’t that bad,” her boyfriend chuckled, “and he said an interesting thing – that you never acknowledge your true emotions and if I want to know your feelings, I should look at your actions. That’s how I know.”

If Rey’s brain had trouble before, now it was completely blank. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Ben shrugged. “It does to me.”

“But I… I’m not romantic! I don’t do PDA! I’m not… not…”

He shook his head fondly. “Sweetheart, what’s the first thing you do in the morning?”

She blinked, puzzled. “Go to pee?”

“No, silly, you text me.”

“You still aren’t making any sense,” Rey grumbled.

Ben rolled his eyes. “I’m the first and the last person you speak with every day.”

“So?”

“I’m the first to learn all your news. You always ask _me_ to cheer you up,” he pointed out.

“Only because you have the best cat memes,” she muttered reluctantly.

Ben huffed. “You played nurse when I was sick.”

“You did the same to me! It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Yes, it does,” he insisted. “You keep my favorite coffee at home even though you hate it, you’re nice to my friends even though you think they are pretentious, you watch period dramas with me, though I know you would rather watch a baseball game.”

Rey was at a loss. “You make it sound like a big deal.”

“But it is, don’t you understand?” Ben huffed impatiently. “You do all these things because you care about me. That’s why you just smile when my mom starts dropping not-so-subtle hints and that’s why you stay in with me instead of going to that trivia night with your friends. Oh, and you let me have the last slice of pizza and if this is not a major love confession coming from you, then I don’t know what is,” he grinned triumphantly.

She gaped. “ _You knew_.”

“Yep.”

“All this time…” While she had agonized over the issue he just knew?!

“Basically.”

“And you never told me?!” Rey shrieked, throwing a pillow at him.

Ben ducked. “Hey, what was I supposed to say? “Hi Sweetheart, I think you’re in love with me, have a cookie”? It sounds crazy,” he argued.

She had to agree it did. It didn’t stop her from throwing another pillow at him.

“I can’t believe that I confessed my love to you and all you had to say was _I know_ ,” Rey grumbled, still pouty about the whole ordeal.

Her boyfriend, ensuring she’d run out of pillows, gently gathered her into his arms.

“Forgive me, I honestly thought you’d prefer to not make it a big deal, considering how skittish you are,” Ben said between soft kisses. “You know how much I love you, right?”

“I guess,” she responded vindictively.

He chuckled. “Then I must remind you. Is our usual from Maz’s a sufficient love confession?”

Rey answered with a kiss. Ben knew her way too well.

Later, properly fed and snuggled into her very big, very warm, very comfortable boyfriend, she sighed contentedly. “Good thing we’re on the same page now.”

Ben glanced at her oddly. “Sweetheart?”

She looked at him from the corner of her eye. “Mmm?”

“Move in with me?”

Rey gulped.


End file.
